Shouldn't Want You (Cataclysm Book 2) Read online

The problem is, all the ones that have made it past Mom have turned into squealing fangirls the moment they spot me, totally ignoring Eli.

  Nope.

  Not interested.

  The nanny’s here for my son. Not me.

  I don’t need a new fan club president. I need someone to care about my kid.

  And even though I’m trying really hard not to get my hopes up about the person in the kitchen talking to my mother, I can’t help it. Maybe she’s the one?

  Please, God, let her be the one.

  I’m so desperate I’m resorting to prayer. I haven’t been to church in a million years, and I’m pretty much agnostic these days. But old habits die hard, after all.

  When the back door opens, I hold my breath, bracing myself for a scream or a squeal or a female body launching itself at me.

  But none of that happens.

  Instead my mom is followed out by a small, mousy looking girl. She’s wearing khakis and a light blue top that makes her look like she should be working at a department store, the strap of a large cross body bag bisecting her breasts. Her medium brown hair is pulled back in a low ponytail, and if she’s wearing makeup, it’s hard to tell.

  Still, I wait for her eyes to find me. To see the flicker of recognition there and find out what she’ll do with it.

  The fact that her attention to start with is all on Eli is promising, though.

  She hasn’t even spared me a glance, following my mom, who walks straight to Eli, her eyes finding mine and widening in a Can you believe it? look.

  I can’t. I can’t believe it.

  Which means I’m suspicious.

  Crossing my arms, I glower at this strange young woman who won’t look at me.

  She crouches down in front of Eli and smiles at him. The smile transforms her face, taking it from mousy and plain to radiant. And some tiny part of me is jealous of my son.

  Which is completely stupid.

  “Hi!” she says brightly. “My name is Ava. What’s your name?”

  I look sharply at my mom. She didn’t tell this chick Eli’s name? What the hell?

  Mom just smiles at me.

  “Ee-wye,” comes Eli’s small voice, the L coming out like a W.

  “Nice to meet you, Eli. I like your shirt.” She points at the Batman pajama top he’s wearing with gray camo print shorts.

  Eli gets a huge grin, showing off all his teeth. “It’s Batman!” he shouts, pointing at the logo on his chest with both hands.

  “Is Batman your favorite superhero?” she asks, still crouching in front of him.

  He nods, his blond curls bouncing with the vigorous motion.

  “He’s an equal opportunity superhero lover. His wardrobe is full of Marvel and DC PJs,” I put in, smiling down at my son. He’s adorable, and it’s not just parental bias talking. Every time we’re anywhere, he charms everyone he talks to. He’s a friendly little guy, waving at everyone and saying “Hi!” in his cheerful baby voice.

  Ava’s eyes wander up my body, tracing over the ink on my arms and the edges that are visible above the collar of my T-shirt. When her gaze meets mine, her brown eyes go wide, and she looks like a deer caught in the headlights, startled and frozen.

  She stands slowly, trying to recover, clearing her throat and giving me a polite smile, holding out her hand to me. “You must be Danny. Nice to meet you.”

  “You too.” I take her hand, shaking it gently, waiting for the flare of recognition, a muffled squeal, something. At first I thought maybe that’s why she was startled, but with the way she’s trying to force her eyes to stay on my face, I think it’s more that she’s surprised by my tattoos. Or maybe my gauged ears, since they seem to be the thing that’s distracting her at the moment.

  She clears her throat again and withdraws her hand, almost jerking it out of my grip, dropping her eyes to the ground between us. Which makes me feel weird. Is she disgusted by my appearance? I know some people have problems with tattoos, but the whole rockstar thing tends to insulate me from that reaction these days.

  “Sorry,” she mutters. “I didn’t mean to shake your hand for that long. I’m just …” She looks around the yard, a smile flitting across her face when she notices Eli pulling grass at our feet and making a little pile. Then she forces herself to meet my eyes again. “I’m just nervous.” She licks her lips and looks away again, and I take the opportunity to glance at my mom.

  Who decides now’s the time to leave, I guess. “I’ll just let you get to know each other.” Leaning in close to me, she whispers, “I think she’d be a great fit. Give her some time to play with Eli and see how he likes her.” Before I can respond, she’s gone, leaving me to stare after her, vaguely aware that Ava’s talking to Eli again, asking him about dinosaurs.

  When I look at them again, she’s digging in her oversized purse. After a moment, she pulls out a little blue T-rex and offers it to Eli.

  I’m about to open my mouth to tell her she didn’t need to buy him a present, but before I can, Eli squeals with happiness and clutches it to his chest. Then he holds it up to show me. “Wook, Daddy! A T-wex!”

  “Yeah, buddy.” I crouch down next to him so I can get a better look. “That’s awesome.”

  He squeezes it with one hand. “It’s squishy.”

  “What does a T-rex say?”

  “RAAAWR!” Then he’s off, running around the yard, crouched over and making the T-rex run through the grass too, rawring the whole time.

  When I glance at Ava, she’s almost cringing. “I hope that’s okay. I’m not trying to bribe him to like me or anything. But it’s nice to have something to break the ice with a new kid. I didn’t know if he’d be shy or hesitant to interact with me, so I wanted to be prepared.”

  I study her, nodding at her logic. “And if it sways the kid in your favor, that’s just a nice bonus, huh?” I smile so she knows I’m messing with her.

  She blushes, dropping her eyes again, one shoulder lifting. “I need a job sooner than later, so I figured giving myself the best chance is a good idea.”

  “Smart.” We stand in silence for a moment, watching Eli pretending to feed his new dinosaur leaves from the bushes at the edge of the yard. “He’s a pretty outgoing kid. We’re finally connecting, and he calls me Daddy now instead of Danny.”

  She seems startled again, but she covers it well. “He called you by your first name?”

  I shrug, feeling strange for admitting that to a perfect stranger. “Yeah. I was on tour when he was a baby. He stayed with my parents. And he heard my parents call me by name more than anything, so that’s what he called me too. Now that I’ve been around the last few months, we’ve settled into a more normal relationship.”

  She nods, taking in that information. “I guess that makes sense. It’s good that he’s gotten to spend time with you more. I take it that’s why you want him to travel with you now?”

  “Exactly. We’ve made a lot of progress. I don’t want it to go to waste.” It’s my turn to clear my throat, needing to change the subject. “Anyway, I’ll let you spend some time with Eli. His opinion is the deciding factor, after all.”

  “Right.” She looks a little sick, her throat working visibly as she swallows. “Right,” she says again, more to herself this time. Then she turns a forced smile on me. “I’ll just go see how he’s liking the new dinosaur and see what kind of trouble we can get into. How long do you want me to stay?”

  I give her an appraising look. “Longer is a good sign, I’d say. Means he likes you. But if you have to be somewhere, why don’t you come find Mom and me about ten minutes before you need to go.”

  “Okay.” Her voice is a little firmer, though her next words betray her lack of confidence. “Here goes nothin’.” And she strides across the lawn to Eli. I watch for a few minutes as she crouches down, talking to him, her face becoming more animated than she was with me, smiling a lot. Then she sits in the grass, and he sits next to her, making the dinosaur walk up and down her bent leg. The sound of her
laughter carries to me, mingling with Eli’s voice and higher pitched giggle.

  Then I turn and go back inside, where I find my mom watching out the window over the kitchen sink.

  She faces me when I close the door, arms crossed, hip propped against the counter. “Well?”

  I gesture out the sliding glass door. “I thought I’d let them spend more time together. But so far it seems promising, if a little strange.”

  Mom’s right eyebrow arches high on her forehead. “Oh? Strange how?”

  I run a hand through my hair and scratch the back of my head. “Did she seem to recognize me at all?”

  Mom thinks for a second, then scoffs. “She must’ve. She’s just motivated to get the job, so she did a better job of covering. I saw the way her eyes widened when she looked at you.”

  I hook my mouth to one side, considering. “Yeah, I’m not so sure. She seemed stuck on my tattoos more than my identity. Like she’s not used to being around someone with lots of ink.”

  Her eyes straying over the designs covering both arms, Mom seems to consider that. “Maybe.” She draws out the word. “That would be strange, though. I mean, she’s young, just out of college, and the college she attended is a small religious school. So I guess that’s possible. Did you tell her what you do?”

  I shake my head. “No.”

  Mom smirks, glancing out the window. “With the way Eli seems to have taken to her, you’ll have to sooner or later.”

  I rub my hand over my jaw, leaning back to see them in the corner of the yard. Ava has the dinosaur now, and Eli is giggling as she charges him with it. He’s having a blast, and she’s obviously great with kids. “You think she’ll have a problem working with me if she comes from a conservative background?”

  “Keep it in your pants, and I’m sure she’ll be fine,” Mom says drily.

  I snort. “After what happened with Nikki, I’m far more careful than I used to be. I’m sure it won’t be a problem.”

  She holds up her hands, palms out. “I’m just sayin’. I always told you to wrap it.”

  “And I’ve told you before that I did. But nothing’s a hundred percent.”

  “Except abstinence.”

  “Yeah …” Which has been the reality lately. As open as my mom is and always has been about discussing sex, I’m not bringing some chick back to my parents’ house for a hookup while my son sleeps in the room next door. That’s a hard no.

  Even before I returned home, after Nikki’s stunt, groupies lost their appeal. I turn back to the sliding glass door, watching Ava and Eli. “She’s not my type anyway. So there won’t even be the temptation. She’s safe with me. That’s not what I’m worried about. But if she’s a frightened little mouse when confronted with some tattoos and piercings, how’s she going to deal with the reality of touring with a band?”

  Mom joins me at the door, and I feel her shrug more than see it. “She’ll be with Eli. How much of that will she really have to deal with? It’s not like you want him around people doing drugs and getting drunk and whatever else you hooligans get up to.” She turns to me, and I meet her eyes. “Lay it out for her, and let her decide.” She holds up a finger. “If she’s the one you want to hire. Otherwise, this whole conversation doesn’t matter.”

  I nod. “Yeah. But look at how she is with Eli. And you said she’s available right away?”

  “She is.”

  “Then I think we’ve found our nanny.” Thank fuck.

  Chapter Three

  Ava

  “When would you like to start?”

  I’m back in the kitchen, sitting across from Cynthia again, a glass of ice water in front of me. I blink at her, processing the question. That’s her opener after offering me a glass of water.

  “Uh …”

  She gives me a smile. “Eli obviously likes you. You did a good job managing your surprise when you met Danny. Your resume is perfect, and the last family you worked for gave you a glowing reference.”

  Danny isn’t what I expected—tall, longish dark hair, muscles evident under his shirt, tattoos snaking down his arms and out from under his collar, the large rings occupying the holes in his ears. But his eyes are his most arresting feature. Bright blue and piercing under dark, broody brows.

  Wait. Did she say she already checked my references?

  Cynthia continues as though my head isn’t spinning. “Obviously you’ll need time to pack your things. You’ll stay in the guest room here until it’s time to go to LA.”

  “LA?”

  I’ve turned into a parrot. A parrot obsessed with blue eyes and wondering what pictures are hidden in the swirling ink and where all it goes under his shirt.

  With a mental shake, I force myself to focus on Cynthia and ignore her son entirely.

  She nods. “Yes. They’ve already done what they need in New York. Their base is usually in LA, but Danny insisted on coming here on their downtime so he and Eli could get used to each other. But it’s time for them to get on the road again, and he wants to take Eli with him now that he’s older.” She purses her lips and gives a little shake of her head. “I have to admit that I’ve been against him taking Eli from the only home he’s ever known. But my son is stubborn. Since my husband and I can’t just up and travel the world for the next two years, the next best thing is finding the perfect nanny to make sure that Eli isn’t lost in the shuffle. Danny’s optimistic, but between you and me, I think he’s blocked a lot of the bad things about being on tour. I just want to make sure that Eli doesn’t suffer because of it.”

  My brows wrinkle, my brain snagging on the word tour. Danny said something about being on tour outside too, but we glossed over it so fast that it didn’t really register. “What kind of tour?” The question is out of my mouth as soon as it enters my head.

  It’s Cynthia’s turn to blink at me, her face startled. “With the band.”

  I clear my throat, and my saliva seems to have suddenly dried up again. Licking my lips, I try to make sure I can speak clearly without sounding like a moron. But I’m afraid that might be unavoidable, because I’m obviously missing something that Cynthia thinks I should already know. “The band?”

  She nods.

  “What”—I clear my throat again—“what kind of band?”

  “Cataclysm. The band that Danny’s in. He’s the lead guitarist. Surely you’ve heard of them?” Her expression has morphed from confusion into concern as she studies my face. I swallow convulsively, thinking about everything that’s happened this morning. I thought she meant my surprise at his tattoos, because I didn’t expect a businessman who travels extensively to have full sleeves and gauged ears.

  But …

  He’s in a band.

  A famous band.

  “Yes. Of course.” I nod vigorously, stray strands of hair flying into my face. “Yeah. I’ve heard of them.”

  Her face softens. “But you didn’t recognize him when you saw him, did you?”

  Mute, I shake my head, my mouth forming the word “No,” but no sound coming out. Is that going to mess up my chances? Is she going to rescind the job offer? Because she already offered me the job, right? She asked when I want to start. Told me I’d be living here until we leave for LA. Holy shit. I’ll be going to LA. I’ve never been farther west than Illinois …

  She reaches across the table and pats my hand, distracting me from my frantic thoughts. “That’s actually another reason that you’re perfect. Although, now that you know, be sure not to become starstruck. Part of the problem we’ve had with filling the position is people ignoring Eli because they were so focused on Danny. The fact that you didn’t do that is why we’re offering you the job. Will that be a problem?”

  The question is asked with an edge of steel, and I quickly shake my head. “No. Of course not. No. Eli will be my focus. I’ll be professional with Danny, just like I would’ve been when I assumed he was some kind of business consultant who traveled a lot.”

  Cynthia smiles, giving my hand one fin
al squeeze. “Now that you know the nature of the travel, you won’t have a problem with being attached to a lengthy tour? It can be hard, though Danny assures me they’re scheduling more frequent and longer breaks than they did last time. Everyone was burned out at the end of the last two-year stint and couldn’t stand the sight of each other. And those boys were inseparable before that.” She sits back in her chair, with a speculative sigh. “They always said they were like brothers. Even brothers get sick of spending all their time together, so I suppose it’s an apt description. But it took them a while to recover and get back in the studio. It’s been a struggle until fairly recently.”

  “Will I be interacting much with everyone else?”

  “You know, it’s really hard to say. You’ll obviously meet them and spend some time with them as you’ll be traveling together. But Danny’s the only one with a child, and this is his first time taking Eli on tour, so it’ll be new for everyone. You seem smart and adaptable. I’m sure you’ll all work it out between you.” Straightening, her expression shifts back to business. “So, back to my first question: when can you start?”

  “Um, tomorrow?”

  Cynthia startles. “That soon? You won’t need time to pack your things and give notice wherever you’re living? If you like, I can talk to Danny about having you come during the day for a week or two to start …” She frowns, looking over my shoulder toward the back yard. “I’m not sure when they plan to go to LA, but I think soon. I don’t know that we can do longer than a week with that arrangement. It would be best if you were here for at least a few nights to learn all his routines before you’re responsible for him on your own.”

  I think about getting out of the squalid little room that I’m renting and getting into this place. It’s clean and bright and safe. It’ll be weird living with strangers, but no weirder than living with the stranger I rent a room from. “That won’t be necessary. I can move over the weekend.” Even if my roommate wants extra rent since I won’t be giving her thirty days’ notice, I can cover it. I have a job. A place to live. I’m assuming they’ll feed me, too. And even if they don’t, I can get groceries for myself for a couple of weeks until we start traveling.