Shouldn't Want You (Cataclysm Book 2) Read online

  As I tap my name and number into her phone, hesitation takes hold. “Um, I guess? I mean, if Danny doesn’t mind. I’m not sure how he’d feel about someone else coming along to help with a job he’s paying me to do.”

  With a snort of derision, Kendra draws my attention back to her face. “Please. You’ll still be the one in charge. I wouldn’t dream of trying to take over anyway. I just meant, if you need to pee, I can keep an eye on Eli for two minutes.”

  I pass Kendra’s phone back to her with a cautious smile, just as a loud female voice calls from behind me. “I’m here! You can all relax now. The plane can take off.”

  Kendra stands, a giant smile on her face—this chick seems to smile nonstop—and flings her arms open. “Blaire! Thank god you’re here! Now we can get this bird in the air. Now come sit down and get to know Ava. I’ve forced her to agree to me hanging out with her and Eli when you guys are busy. And we’re already planning girls’ nights. We’ll have to have our first one soon, which means we all need to go shopping in LA.”

  Blaire laughs uproariously, plopping down in a chair adjacent to the couch. “Hey, Ava. Welcome to the crew.”

  And just like that, for better or worse, I’ve officially become one of them.

  Chapter Nine

  Danny

  Before hiring Ava, I didn’t think about what it would be like to share my space with another person. Specifically, a woman.

  I can’t spread out and leave my clothes all over the living room, or walk around naked whenever I want. Or even in my boxers. It’s like I’m still living at my parents’ house, even though we’ve been in LA for almost two weeks.

  We’ve settled into something of a routine. She gets two days a week off, at least while we’re in one place—we’ll have to figure out how to make that work when we’re on the road—and Kendra and Blaire seem to have taken her under their wing. Which is most noticeable in the update to Ava’s wardrobe. Gone are the shapeless shirts, replaced by soft, clingy fabrics that mold to the outline of her breasts and show off her trim waist. She still favors simple styles, clothes she can move in easily and get down on the floor to play with Eli.

  She wears a plum lip color now, which draws my attention to her lips.

  It’s been way too long since I’ve gotten laid if I’m drooling over Eli’s nanny, who still scurries into her room like a scared little mouse as soon as it’s her time off.

  Maybe she prefers being alone after a long day of entertaining a two-year-old. I know when I’m solely responsible for him, I just want to veg out at the end of the day. And with him sleeping on a trundle in my room, since my place is only a two bedroom and Ava deserves her own space, the only place to veg out is the living room.

  But it’s strange how she never watches TV with me. It’s not because she doesn’t like watching TV either, because I hear her streaming shows or movies on her laptop through the door to the bedroom. Not because I’m a creeper listening at her door. But I pass her room to get to mine.

  Tonight I’m getting home late, well after Eli’s usual bedtime. The guys and I went out to catch a show, a local band that our tour manager wants us to consider inviting to open for us. They’ve built up a following and have a great sound. They recently signed with our label and are about to drop an EP. If they join our tour, they’ll get a big national boost.

  I close the door softly, muffling the click of the latch, expecting to find Ava reading on the couch. But instead I hear the sound of laughter, hers combined with Eli’s higher pitched giggle. Smiling, I drop my keys on the table behind the couch and make my way to the bathroom, walking softly so I don’t disturb them.

  When I get to the open door, Eli’s in the bath, splashing and giggling, a pile of bubbles on his head. Ava’s laughing still, too, wiping bubbles off her face with the back of her wrist.

  “Beard! Beard! Beard! Me beard!” Eli squeals, provoking more laughter from Ava.

  “You want a bubble beard too?”

  He nods vigorously, the bubbles on his head sliding to the side.

  “Close your mouth.”

  With a monumental effort, Eli manages to pinch his lips together, but it’s obvious he’s fighting to keep from smiling again, and his little body vibrates with suppressed giggles. Ava scoops up more bubbles and wipes her hand over his mouth and chin, leaving a cluster on his mouth.

  Thrilled, he claps and giggles some more, then wrinkles his nose. “Bubbles yucky.”

  Ava chuckles, the sound warm and happy, and she looks more relaxed than I’ve ever seen her. Her ponytail is loose, strands of hair coming free, and her body is languid. She nods slowly. “Yes. Bubbles are yucky. That’s why you should keep your mouth closed.”

  Instead of listening, he slaps his hands to his mouth and wipes the bubbles off, or at least some of them, and slaps his hands back into the water, sending water and bubbles flying out of the bath at Ava.

  She flinches back, holding her hands in front of her. “Hey! Keep the water in the bath!” But the reprimand is softened by the laughter in her voice.

  Eli just giggles and splashes again.

  I can’t help cracking up with them, standing in the door with my shoulder propped against the frame, my arms crossed as I enjoy their rapport. I’m glad Eli gets along so well with his nanny. I’d hate to think he’s miserable while I’m gone. And from the look on Ava’s face, she’s already fallen under the spell of his cuteness.

  My laughter calls attention to my presence, interrupting them.

  “Daddy!” Eli squeals, standing and holding out his arms to me, soap and water dripping down his little body.

  “Whoa, careful,” Ava says, reaching out a steadying hand to him. “Let’s finish washing your hair, then Daddy can dry you off and get you ready for bed, alright?” Her posture is already stiffer than it was a second ago.

  “Want Daddy!” Eli insists.

  Ava glances at me, her customary wide-eyed look. Does she look like that all the time? Or is it something about me that provokes it?

  If it’s me, then I want to figure out how to get rid of it. She’s been working for me for three weeks. Isn’t that long enough to relax? At least a little?

  “I don’t mind finishing up,” I say.

  Ava nods and stands, and that’s when I notice how wet her shirt is. I suck in a breath at the way the soft red fabric clings to her breasts even more. If it were white, it’d be completely see through. As it is, it’s slightly translucent, showing the outline of her simple bra, making her pointed nipples even more obvious.

  When I force my eyes back to her face, the color has risen in her cheeks, and I drag my attention to my son, hoping that’ll tame my own rising blood. Distract me from her pretty, kissable lips. Hard nipples. Soft curves. Woman. Wet. So, so close.

  Even closer when I step into the tiny bathroom to finish his bath.

  She inhales sharply as our chests become only inches apart, her lips softly parted, inviting. My eyes seem to be drawn to them like metal filings to a magnet. And I step closer again.

  But she drops her gaze and slips past me, fleeing the bathroom without a word.

  Chapter Ten

  Ava

  Eyes closed, my back to my bedroom door, I suck in a deep breath. My wet shirt feels clammy and cold against my overheated skin.

  I’m just hot because of being in a steamy room with a hot bath.

  Right.

  That’s what I’m going with, at least.

  And not the scorching look in Danny’s eyes as they focused on me. On my breasts. My lips.

  I recognized that look and what it means.

  Pushing away from the door, I open my eyes and force myself to pay attention to changing my shirt. Not pajamas, because I still need to give Danny a rundown on what Eli and I did today. That’s our usual routine.

  I need to bring us back to our usual routine, because I can’t go there. Not with him. Not after Grayson.

  And besides, Danny’s not my type. Tall, muscular. (Fine, I wouldn�
�t mind finding out what that’s like.) The tattoos. The gauged ears. The scowling and frowning.

  Although he’s really sweet with Eli. Patient and affectionate. His permafrown even lightens up around his son, non-sardonic smiles making brief, dazzling appearances.

  Grabbing the first T-shirt I find in my drawer, I yank it over my head, annoyed with myself.

  I am not attracted to my boss. I am not attracted to my boss. I am not attracted to my boss.

  If I say it enough times, maybe it’ll be true.

  Blowing my hair out of my face, I drop my arms to my sides.

  Fine. I am attracted to my boss.

  That doesn’t mean I have to do anything about it. Plenty of people are attracted to other people every day and don’t act on it. Attraction is merely an uncontrollable reaction, something on a chemical level having to do with pheromones. It’s not my fault. But I can be ruled by my head, make good choices, and not think about what it would feel like to be plastered against that deliciously hard chest or trace the designs that adorn his arms up to his shoulders and find out how far they go …

  Right. Not thinking about that.

  Staring at myself in the mirror, I yank the ponytail holder out of my hair and quickly redo it. Eli should be out of his bath by now. I’ll go out, tell Danny why he’s up so late and fill him in on the evening, finish cleaning up the last few dishes from dinner, and then hide in my room like I usually do. With a nod at my reflection and a deep, cleansing breath, I march for the door and pull it open with authority.

  But my marching comes to an abrupt halt when I hear Danny’s voice through his cracked bedroom door, the low tones soothing as he finishes reading Goodnight Moon. I hesitate, listening, Danny’s voice soft and warm as he reads, “Goodnight stars, goodnight air, goodnight noises everywhere.”

  There’s a pause, the rustle of fabric, and I prepare to sprint down the hallway to the living room, but then I hear Danny saying, “Goodnight, Eli. Sleep good.”

  And Eli’s little voice answers, “Sing goodnight song?”

  “Alright. One time. And then you need to go to sleep. It’s late.” And he starts to sing a simple song I don’t recognize and that I suspect he made up, the lyrics simply “goodnight, Eli” over and over.

  As he sings, I creep down the hall. Because there’s no way that song is very long, and I don’t want to get caught listening in like a weirdo, even if the image of the broody, gruff rockstar singing to his toddler makes me melt. So I busy myself cleaning up the dishes while I wait for Danny to finish with bedtime, my ears perked for the sound of his steps.

  Even so, he startles me when he clears his throat behind me, making me jump and splash a little water on my shirt. “Darnit!”

  “I’m sorry,” he says quickly, his voice just above a whisper, and steps closer. “I didn’t mean to startle you. I was just being quiet so Eli would go to sleep and stay that way.”

  After looking up at the ceiling and gathering a calming breath, I finish rinsing the plate in my hand and set it in the dishwasher before turning to face him. “It’s okay. I understand. It’s just annoying because I just changed into a dry shirt. And now I’m wet again.”

  His eyes track down to the wet splotch below my breasts. “It’s not too bad. You’ll be dry again in no time.”

  “True.” I turn back to the dishes, unscrewing a sippy cup and rinsing out the leftover milk and putting it in the top rack, then gathering up the last few forks and spoons to put into the silverware basket. “He seemed to go down easy for you, though.”

  “Yeah. Not too much of a fight. He was excited to see me before bed, so I thought it might be harder. But he was yawning a lot. It’s late, so I’m sure he’s worn out.”

  I bite my lip and nod, hiding my face as I busy myself with getting the dishwasher tablet and putting it in its slot and closing the door. “Right. Yeah. Sorry to keep him up so late. We had a long day at the park, and he was all sweaty. He was having a ton of fun, and the weather’s so nice, I lost track of the time. We had kind of a late dinner and then he needed a bath, both from getting all sweaty and dirty at the playground and smearing spaghetti sauce all over himself.” I shrug, forcing myself to meet Danny’s eyes.

  He’s smiling, his eyes warm. “I’m glad you guys had a good day. It was nice to get to read him his bedtime story and tuck him in. It’s not like there’s any place he needs to be early in the morning. If he stays up a little later, I don’t mind.”

  “Oh. Your mom was insistent that he needed to be in bed by eight thirty, so I thought …”

  The smile turns into a low chuckle. “Yeah. Mom has firm ideas about children’s bedtimes.” He shrugs. “My life isn’t so scheduled. Flexibility is important around here. As long as he’s healthy and happy and getting enough sleep in general, a few late bedtimes aren’t going to do any harm.”

  I let out a breath, relieved he’s not annoyed with me. “Alright. That sounds good. If you want, we can move his bedtime a little later so you can put him down more often.”

  “I think I’d like that.”

  “That’s settled then.” I pick up the hand towel on the counter, fold it in half, and tuck it in the cabinet door below the sink, then give Danny a polite smile. “Well, I’ll get out of your way. Goodnight.”

  “You don’t have to.” He’s stepped in front of me, blocking my exit before I can leave.

  I lift my eyes to his. “What?”

  He clears his throat. “You can, of course, if you’re tired and want to go to bed or whatever. But you don’t have to hide in your room when I’m home. You live here, too. You can stay out and read or watch TV.”

  My brows cinch together. “You want me to watch TV with you?”

  “Or a movie. We could watch a movie.” He runs a hand through his hair and looks around the room before refocusing on me. “I need a snack, maybe a beer, and I want to unwind a little bit. I’ve got DirecTV or we can rent something on demand. I don’t care.”

  I open my mouth and close it again, then shake my head.

  He sighs. “Look. It’s weird knowing you’re here but only seeing you when you fill me in on what Eli did for the day or right before I leave to go somewhere. Did I do something to upset you? Is that why you’re avoiding me?”

  “What? No. Not at all.” He wants to spend time with me? Why? What does that mean? Do I want it to mean anything? Maybe a little … I shake my head, both to clear the thoughts and to emphasize my answer. “No, it’s not that. I just … I’ve never been a live-in nanny before. I figured I’d be in the way. I don’t want to bother you.”

  He tilts his head toward the living room. “You don’t bother me. You’re so quiet, I’m not even sure whether you’re here or not half the time. Come watch a movie with me. It’ll be fun. I promise.”

  His smile is so much like the sweet little heart-melting smile that Eli gives me that I find myself nodding and saying, “Okay,” before my answer even registers in my own brain.

  “Great.” He steps aside and sets his hand on my back to usher me toward the living room, a thrill of awareness washing over me and sending goosebumps skittering down my arms. “Go get comfy on the couch. I’m going to grab a snack, and I’ll be out in a minute.”

  Chapter Eleven

  Danny

  Beer in one hand and carrot sticks in a bowl with a puddle of ranch dressing at the bottom in the other, I head back out to the living room.

  Ava sits in one corner of the couch, her legs curled up beside her, her face resting on her hand as she stares at the blank TV.

  Setting down my bottle and bowl, I glance between her and the screen. “You could’ve turned it on while you waited. You don’t just have to sit here in silence.”

  She shrugs her free shoulder, still staring at the TV. “I didn’t think you’d be long. Plus,” she waves a hand at the entertainment center, “you have more electronics than I’m used to. I didn’t want to mess something up.”

  Wait, does that mean she hasn’t used the TV a
t all? Not even to buy herself a few minutes of downtime when she’s alone with Eli? I love the kid more than life itself, but he’s a ball of pure energy, vibrating and bouncing all over the place. By naptime and bedtime on the days I have him by myself, I’m exhausted. And that’s even with a couple of hours of Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood or Blippi to entertain him.

  Scooping up the remote, I perch on the edge of the couch next to her. “Here. Let me show you.”

  She brings her legs down and scoots forward so she can better see what I’m doing, and I force myself to ignore the way the air whooshes as she moves and how the heat of her body washes over my bare arm, raising the hairs and making my skin tingle.

  It’s been waaay too long since I enjoyed female company. That’s what my problem is. Maybe I should talk to Blaire and see if she has any single friends in the area. Someone who knows the score and can be trusted not to sell me out to the tabloids. Or get knocked up on purpose, though I learned that lesson and only use my own condoms these days. Not that it matters. I’ve been living like a monk since I got to Massachusetts last spring.

  As I navigate the controls, showing Ava where to find Eli’s favorite shows, how to record something she might want to watch, where to find the On Demand options, she gives me her undivided attention. Like it’s all brand new and wondrous.

  “You’ve seriously never used something like this before?”

  Sitting back, she shakes her head. “No. We had an antenna growing up, so we only got the broadcast channels. And even then, my parents had to approve what we watched, so it was mostly PBS or the news. Sometimes we’d get educational videos from the library. Or live action Bible story reenactments.”

  I can’t help the way my eyebrows jump up my forehead.

  She gives me a smirk, but it seems sad more than sarcastic. “Yeah. My parents are very religious, very conservative. My entertainment was mostly from books, and only Christian fiction. Even some of those were too forward thinking for my parents. Though Bibleopoly was a surprisingly fun game.”